the realisation.

“It’s no big deal, it’s just — we have to go away and...and dream it all up again.” -- Bono, U2

July 31st, 2025

To quote from a journal entry I made a few months ago:

For the past few days, my focus has primarily been on offline endeavours. I step back online, and within a few hours of operating within the circles I’m in (largely out of lack of knowing what else to do, truth be told), I start feeling horrific again. Tears, anger, annoyance, and zero patience for what may be innocent mistakes. And I’m right back to feeling like a worthless outsider, to boot.

It’s not being online as a whole — I like keeping in contact with friends, I love to code, I love to spend hours with my eyes glued to tutorials, and I love organising and planning different static sites. But there’s a certain...realm...I guess...I kind of have to keep up with, due to the content I create, and honestly, it and the majority of people in it, their careless actions and flippant attitudes have just crushed me. (And I do realise I’m being vague here; I have my reasons. Chances are you know precisely which sphere of the net I’m speaking of, but if you don’t...don’t worry. What it is isn’t really important; what it does to me is what matters here.)

I want eyes on my sites, but I don’t want to be under the constant eye of a digital equivalent of a homeowner’s association with a penchant for favouritism.
I want to make friends and forge connections, but I don’t want to be flavour of the month to someone and snarked about behind my back when they get bored. I don’t want to be carefully put into a place where I can’t defend myself from outright lies.
I want to create, but I don’t want to force myself to fit into a mould that crushes my heart to do so.
I want something real, not just lip service and an “affiliate” link.

This should be fun. This crap? Is not fun.

This...will require fixing.

So I'm going to fix it; Wings will return shortly. Can't say when, as I have a cancer scare, sick relatives, and a career 360º all happening offline. But it will return, eventually.

See you when I wake up, after I dream it all up again.